meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
id be glad to
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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