Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
