This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
