you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
