I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
