he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
