Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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