My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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