haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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