I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
