sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
It's Friday. Sex?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
