bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
