i need an iv and a liver transplant
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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