i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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