Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
