someone threw a dead crab at me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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