My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
