covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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