and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
