guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
