Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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