There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
