Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
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I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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