A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
