Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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