so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
