He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
