I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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