well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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