So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
