party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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