And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
