walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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