I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
