I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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