Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize