Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
