dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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