How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
