i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
