I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
