I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
