his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
