If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
