So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
