Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
