the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Alive.
So much puke
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
