he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
