I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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