things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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