Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
