The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
