I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
