just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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