What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
