I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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