I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize