I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
