There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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