if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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