you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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