i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This house was built for laser tag.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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