One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
