I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
