I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
