Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Randomize
