that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
