If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
